Chapter 2 – The Molluscs go on a Luxurious Cruise

Wearing their facsimile skin-suits, the Molluscs walked up the ramp to the luxurious behemoth of a cruise ship that was the Titanid, and waited in a queue of around 30 people. As we now know, The Mollusc is not a creature known for its great patience, so naturally, when the hostess who was taking tickets turned away to alert the captain to a nearby iceberg, all 30 of the passengers were brutally disembowelled, bringing the mollusc to the front of the cue. The hostess, realising that she had no time to warn the captain about the impending danger, turned back to what had been an ever-lengthening line. “Oh, hello Mr Attenborough, how was your trip?” the hostess said with a broad, almost frightening, delightful smile. The Molluscs perceived this smile as an insult, and a threat to their wellbeing, so she was promptly disembowelled, and dumped in a neat pile with the others. for the mollusc, while being a force of nature to be reckoned with, is known for their impeccable manners.

So onto the Titanid they scuttled with all of the subtlety a sack of Molluscs dressed in human skin could muster, and found themselves surrounded by thousands of socialites, all chatting, not to mention drinking copious amounts of alcohol, a veritable smorgasbord for the hungry little creatures.

Due to vast piles of overdue paperwork, the Molluscs managed to restrain themselves from overly large sums of disembowelment until the first stop on their long voyage, the beautiful city of Rio De Janeiro. Here the Molluscs, having removed their skin, came upon the largest human they had ever seen. He was at least 35 meters tall! The Molluscs attempted to converse with the monstrous being, but were unable to elicit a response. The molluscs were somewhat frustrated at this, as they were very used to people screaming and running away in fear at the sight of them.

“Nun Nun, NUN nun Nun!” Said Mr. Mollusc. This can be roughly translated to “He’s as stupid as that arrogant explorer.” After some discourse, the Molluscs unanimously agreed the best course of action would be disembowelment.

As the Molluscs reboarded their vessel, and the government of Brazil crumbled along with their most spectacular landmark, they realised that they had forgotten to reskin themselves, this realisation prompted by the reaction of a security guard at the entrance of the Titanid. After the screaming had stopped, and the blood cleaned away, the Molluscs reskinned themselves and reentered the vessel. The encounter with the security person had left the molluscs quite shaken, and one of their number suggested that they go swimming in one of the Titanid’s many onboard pools. This seemed reasonable to the others, and they made their way to the largest of the pools. Or at least they tried. While Molluscs are incredibly intelligent and cunning creatures, they are entirely inefficient at cartography, that is, the study of maps. The Titanid, of course, had many maps of their facilities for the use of their customers, but the Molluscs proved woefully unable to make sense of the directions to the pool. Mrs. Mollusc, quite reasonably, suggested that they ask for directions. Mr. Mollusc vetoed this, but three weeks of useless searching later, they finally gave in.

The Molluscs walked up to the service desk, in the upper hull of the vessel, which they had stumbled upon by happenstance, and some intelligent writing on the author’s part. The customer service man, wearing a charming smile, turned to the Molluscs, from a previous conversation with a customer which had mysteriously disappeared as he looked up from his screen.

“Hello Mr. Attenborough, what can I do for – ”

At this point the man turned pale, as he realised that the man whom he was speaking to had died gruesomely on international television. He beat a hasty retreat and quickly scrambled through a door, conveniently located behind the customer service desk, that opened into the command center of the ship. The captain stood, his hand on the controls of the ship in deep discussion with his first mate. The customer service man, henceforth named Steve, arrived in time to hear the tail end of a conversation in which the first mate was daring him to crash the ship into a nearby iceberg. The captain, being a reasonable man with many years of sailing experience, had, of course, refused his first mate’s flirtatious comments, before she had called him a buttshark. Steve barely had time to subconsciously realise this made no sense, when he began yell at the top of his lungs that there were intruders on board. But Steve only made it part way through the first syllable before, much to his surprise, that captain and his daring, and potentially over-flirtatious, First Mate were dead at the wheel. He watched with growing horror as the Molluscs slowly stalked towards him. He grasped at the door handle, only to find that the door had been jammed shut, perhaps by a handsome, dashing customer service man named Steve, who had, in his haste locked the door to impede the attacking Molluscs. Fortunately, the Titanid was a fast moving vessel, and before the Molluscs could finish their power-walking session of the day, the ship’s hull was pierced by the sizable iceberg, and the day was saved!


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Next: Chapter 3 – The Molluscs Storm Paris

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