We thought they were gone,

But they weren’t.

We thought they had died out many generations ago,

But they hadn’t.

Why are we speaking in such low, sinister monotone voices?

It is highly probable that the authors paid us to.


In the dark recesses of our cavernous minds, a noise as old as time itself rings out into the abyss, over and over again, repeating at such a rapid pace, our brains simply cannot comprehend it. It is the noise made by the creature known simply as the Wandering Capricornian Tree Mollusc, and despite its pretentiously overcomplicated name, it is not a creature to be trifled with. Notwithstanding their tendency to stay away from our kind, our generational paths have often crossed. Do you think that Chubby Checker learnt how to do the twist by himself? Do you think Stanley Kubrick’s outlandish ideas came from the brain of a human? No, as the saying goes, behind every great man is a great woman, but in this case, the woman is a small, murderous creature that has no regard for human life, and desires nothing but genocide, but you understand our point. Over the years, the Molluscs became disinterested with our primitive ways, and hid themselves away in the distant jungles located on the Isle Of Capricorn, choosing to instead live among the dense foliage, in their unbreakable solitude.


Yet over the years, The Wandering Capricornian Tree Mollusc has floated its way through history, flying like a beautiful fairy. A beautiful fairy with superhuman speed, stealth, and rather sharp teeth. The mollusc has been responsible for almost every notable event in human history, from the invention of the wheel, to the stealing of the Crown Jewels sometime in the near future, that the Authors had absolutely no idea about, and will continue refusing to participate in voluntary Interpol interrogations in re the situation.

The Government of the United States first came into contact with the mollusc on June 25, 1876, when Custer’s 7th Cavalry division was massacred by a single mollusc, who stumbled across them on his way to the Fair. Ever since, the US government has kept the existence of Molluscs under wraps, creating a worldwide conspiracy involving every nation, except Sealand. The conspiracy was known as the Society for the Protective Exclusion of the Wanderers – or SPEW, because coincidentally every real society in history’s acronym has been SPEW.

But as coincidence after coincidence began to build upon one another, most unfortunately for the molluscs, and more importantly, for us, the people of the world discovered the truth. This is where our tale begins, with this merciless creature being rediscovered, and all we hold dear being threatened in the process.

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Next: Chapter 1 – The Molluscs Dismember A Respected Naturalist

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